Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk!

29 10 2010

“When I think about running, it feels like the best 45-minute investment I make in a day. It’s enjoyable, it makes me feel better, and it’s probably paying dividends way into the future. Running is a really easy choice.” -John Fixx, son of running legend Jim Fixx

Oct 23, 2010

Running 2 hours 23 minutes

So proud to conquer another place by means of running.

And now, let me share this: Enjoy reading.

When your heart has been broken, you can either wallow in self pity about someone you can’t control, or you can pick up and move on, knowing that there are millions of people out there you haven’t met yet – one of whom has to be looking for someone like you.

I was very happy with my ex-girlfriend. She was a great person, a woman of my dream. We complimented each other perfectly and were so happy that God placed us into one another’s life to be a source of blessing and encouragement. We were planning to get married and were looking forward to that day. Our wedding preparation was on its early stage. Then, all of the sudden, we were forced to break up. And, this break up was very devastating.

It all started one morning when I called her for our daily prayer and devotion.
“I need to talk to you,” she told me.
“Go ahead, talk to me,” I replied.
“No, I can’t talk about this over the phone. I have to meet with you in person.”
This sounded extremely odd. We never had an argument. We were growing very close and had shared almost everything over the phone. Now, what was it that she couldn’t talk to me over the phone? In an instant, my heart started to race as I guessed where this could be going. I’d heard that phrase before. I couldn’t wait to hear what she had to tell me; therefore, I insisted that she delivered her message over the phone.
Then she got straight to the point, “I need to take some time off from the relationship.”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I never saw this coming. Everything had been going smooth with our relationship. There had been no warnings, no fights, and no change in temperature. She always seemed to be happy with me and was always enthusiastic about our wedding plan. I couldn’t understand the meaning of this.
“What is the matter,” I asked her franticly.
“My ex-boyfriend had popped up back into my life. And I realized I am not over him yet. I need some time off to think of where to go from here.”
At this, I felt the ground giving out from under my bed. I was shaking. No! That couldn’t be true. I loved her so much. I started to cry, and I hang up the phone.

I didn’t believe I was about to lose the woman of my dream, my whole world was about to collapse. I gave her a call the following day with the hope of saving the relationship. I reminded her that she always told me how much of a blessing I had been into her life. I reminded her that she always told me she loved me. In one of her emails she wrote to me “I am so glad that God has blinded the eyes of the others before you because I truly think you were handpicked for me.”
I asked her if the words she always told me were all lies. She told they were all truth.
If they were all truth, how this ex –boyfriend could become an issue?
“You won’t understand,” she answered me. Of course I couldn’t understand.
She made up her mind to go back to her ex-boyfriend. We had our farewell prayer on the phone that day. It was very emotional. And then, she was out of my life.

The pain that occurred from this breakup was extremely devastating and one of the worst things I had ever been through. In the weeks that followed, I was crushed under the deepest agony. I couldn’t eat. I lost so much weight. I was crying all the time. At work, I would often retreat to the bathroom to ease up my pain with tears. Life became unbearable and completely empty without her. Sleeping was another challenge. I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour in a given day. Each day, I was exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. My entire world had collapsed. She was gone.

I was filled with feelings of depression, loss, abandonment, anger, pain, grief, jealousy and betrayal. I was bordering insanity. I needed to see her. I needed to cry out to her. I needed to talk to her so badly but I couldn’t. She was out of my life. I resisted the urge to call her. I had already decided not to contact her. Staying in touch with her would only cause me more pain than I could handle. In addition to that, crying my pain out to her would make me look like an extreme jackass who couldn’t cope with being without her. As the say goes, “If you can’t save a relationship, at least save your dignity”.

There was no more hope. She wasn’t going to come back. I realized that there was nothing worth holding onto her. I was facing the monumental task of rebuilding my life after I had devoted so much to a relationship that just failed. The task seemed impossible at first. However, little by little, I forced myself to start picking the fragments of my broken heart. I still had no desire for foods, but I started to force myself eating. For I thought, if I don’t force myself to eat, I will surely die. On weekends, I would take myself out to movies and restaurants. I started to enjoy things that I would never imagine I could enjoy by myself. But, in spite of all my effort to forget her, the pain was still present. The pain couldn’t leave me.

To help alleviate my grief, I fully engaged in new hobbies and activities. I became very active in my church and my community. I wrote stories for my running adventures. I became busy with my life, always doing something. I even became very dedicated to my employer. I changed my work habits.

Then, I joined a fitness club and started to work out daily. I started building muscles and put on 20 lbs. I was no longer a skinny man but, instead I became a big and strong man, a complete different person. Everyone who would look at me could see the positive transformation that was taking place in my life. Some people were talking about the work of the Holy Spirit in my life where in fact it was the work of a broken heart.

In short, my broken heart experience had made me discovered a part of myself that I never knew existed. It had helped me bringing into surface some of the attributes that were buried deep down in me. I can look back in time and laugh at all the pains and sufferings I have been through. Back then, I could never think I would come out of it alive.

If you have been tossed unclothed in the desert, don’t lose hope. You can still walk out of that desert and out of your nakedness with a brand new suit, a pair of alligator shoes and a new song. I am a living testimony. Life is a long journey; it takes us places we never dreamed of; some are good and some are not that good, but we get out every time with a new experience or knowledge. And sometimes a lesson can be learned only long time after the event. A broken heart can also be a blessing in disguise. Suffer, grow, and overcome.

Here are some devotional words from the Bishop T.D. Jakes to help a broken heart understand that it is useless crying over spilled milk.

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone and move on.

When people can walk away from you, let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat, I don’t need it.
Stop begging people to stay.

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to, Let it Go.

God be Praised!




2 responses

6 11 2010

very encouraging..

3 08 2011

Your story is very inspiring. I just got dumped by my ex girlfriend on my birthday last month. Unfortunately for me, due to advice, I chased her and lost all dignity, I looked like a needy puppy. I stopped it, went no contact. I am focused on school now, work and excercising. Ever since she broke up with me I’ve lost 24 lbs. I am on a strict diet. Sure I can eat now(at first I would eat maybe 500 calories a day, forcefully). But I don’t have the appetite I used to. I’m fueled right now. Every night I get home, I have been running and excercising. I know by now she’s probably with someone new, she was a pretty girl and had many guy friends. But it’s time to rebuild myself, I have bought several books to help me improve who I am. You’re right, this has to be a blessing in disguise.

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